Letters from a Broken Heart: To the First Guy I Fell In Love With

Letter #01: To The Very First Guy I Fell In Love With

Dear Toby,

Hi. It's been a long time since I last saw you. When was it? Three...four years ago?

It was a very long time since we first met. But everything was fresh in my memory.

I was young. You were young. We were new to so many things. But I was shy and you were confident. Two opposite sides of the spectrum, weren't we? But we met. And before I knew, I have fallen.

It's funny reminiscing those days. Especially the first day we met. Do you still remember, Toby? One rainy afternoon, in front of our school's library, there was this small girl, with his flower dress and cardigan, waiting for the rain to stop. She had no umbrella because she didn't believe that a sky as blue and as clear as that day could actually hold a sudden storm. But it did. Not just the storm but it also made way for you to meet her suddenly.

For you to meet me suddenly.

We stood together because both of us didn't bring anything to protect us from the rain.

We stood there in silence hoping for the rain to stop but what happened was the opposite. It rained so hard. And we found ourselves looking at each other and then at the same time, laughed.

Nothing was funny. We both knew that. But it's amazing how we found the humor in our situation. Both of us would be going home wet. There's no way we wouldn't. So we ran. Together.

We ran towards the next shed. Then paced pass the next one. It was embarrassing because we were both soaked and running helplessly, yet I know, under those raindrops rolling down your face, you were smiling. I was too. I didn't know why back then. Until a few weeks later, finally, it all made sense.

After that incident, we were nothing but two souls who got caught in the rain together, some random acquaintance, some familiar faces without names. But it didn't last that way.

Remember? One afternoon, again, I went out of the same library, again, and saw you...again. Haha. It was like deja vu. Without the rain and stuff.

This time, we were two dry individuals who met each other's eyes. I got chills, Tobs, like I had told you later on. I was enchanted to see you again. I was always enchanted to see you every time, to be honest.

I was nervous though. Like, what should I do? What should I say? Should I say hi? Should I look away?

I was scared to...scare you.

You know, I was never comfortable talking to people especially to guys. I was awkward in every sense. And I was afraid you would run off as you discover my oddness. This nerd had no best foot to put forward, you know. Both were equally messed up.

But you, as being you, were terrific in every possible way. That's why you knew what to do during this kind of situation. And apparently, the best way to do was to come up to me, smile and say, 'I'm glad we got a sunny day today.'

I asked non verbally with my brows and my puzzled, nervous smile.

'You have no reason to run away from me now. I'm Toby," you said softly and reached for my hand. "Hi, Yumi."

"How'd...how did you know my name?"

I was shaking as I took your hand. You noticed? I didn't know but your smile gave me the impression that you didn't care.

"I'm a fan of yours. I'm a regular reader of your column on our school paper. I might sound stalker-ish, but you've got some talent," you said comfortably like we've been talking for ages.

Did I blush? For goodness sake, how could I not? You were perfect. And you were talking to me. And you were talking about me. And knowing me. I didn't know if you were being nice but I could not help but buy every word you say. Maybe that's why they say that when the sparks fly, your head and rationalization will, too. Haha. I'm still corny, Toby. Sorry.

Okay. We talked, to make it short. About the weather, the school paper, the internship you'd be having. It was so easy to talk to you, surprisingly. Like we're old friends.

Right before we part ways, for the first time, I had let someone, I mean a guy, have my number. And before I knew it, I had also let him have my heart.

It was a fairytale for me, Toby. I know you would disagree, but you were like a fictional prince charming who happened to find his way out of a book.

You were striking. Charming. Attractive. And you were also perfectly appealing inside. You were smart. Witty. Your heart was as big as the world. And your dreams were bigger than the universe.

It was still a huge puzzle for me why and how you, in a very mysterious reason, felt the same about me. Just like what I always asked you, 'Dude, are you blind?'

I can still hear you saying, 'Yes. Love is blind. And I love you.'

You were cheesy. And I loved it. I loved it more each day because I knew I was with the right person. I knew you were mine. Were. Because, sadly, you're not anymore.

But every tale has their endings, right? Unfortunately, our story ended that day. That day of our graduation. That day when everything's supposed to be perfect.

I finally got my lovely diploma and I have the loveliest boyfriend on earth. Perfect.

But before that day was through, I only got one left in my hands. Hurtfully, it wasn't you.

Because...Toby, I get it. I get it, you wanted a perfect life. Toby, I understand you just wanted the best. I also wanted the best for you. For us. But what I didn't and still don't understand is that why didn't you tell me? No, you did. The right question was, why didn't you tell me soon enough?

You...you left me, Toby. You were planning to leave and you had it going for months. You never told me. You said that it's because you knew that I'd be sad to know that after graduation, you'd fly to New York. For work. For good.

And there would be no 'I will not go if you don't want me to'. Because all there was, 'Goodbye. Understand it or not, I'll leave'.

At least, there was goodbye, eh? I wasn't contented with that, Toby. I don't know if there is anyone in love who would settle for that.

You said you didn't want me to be sad. For your information, Tobs. I wasn't.

I was a wreck.

My first love left me for his career. The first guy ever that I loved more than I should.

You left me without a choice. You didn't even ask me if maybe I was up for a long-distance relationship. I know, I told you once before that I didn't like the idea. But, dude, I had no idea we were talking about us.

What if I loved you enough to take the risk? What if I loved you enough to do anything for what we had?

Toby... I. Loved. You. MORE. Than. Enough.

I am not trying to throw everything back at you though. I knew you had your fair share of heartaches due to what had happened. I'm not tryna be that one bitter ex-girlfriend. And it's been three years since you left.

Maybe you've already moved on.

Maybe not.

Maybe I haven't either.

But I just wrote this letter for you to... I don't know, maybe remember that you weren't just a past love for me.

You were my first and my greatest, so far.

That is why I don't want you to forget that there was once a girl who loved you this way. I want you to remember me.

I don't know if there would be someone who could beat the first love. True love? I wouldn't know yet. It hasn't come. But maybe I would someday.

Maybe soon. Only fate can tell.

I wish you luck, Toby. Wherever you are. I just want you to know that I am glad that it was you who first heard my 'I Love You'.

'Til we meet again.

Or maybe should I say, until it rained again.

Love,
Yumi.

Letters from a Broken Heart is a compilation of letters and notes from people who were hurt by love or were once broken.
The stories, characters, places or situations included in these letters are purely fictional unless stated otherwise.

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